VPL

I'll be honest, I've never been one of those girls who is crazy about underwear.  Yes I wear it (calm down) but I've always splashed my cash on the items that the majority of the outside world would actually see.  This isn't because I dress to impress 'them' eg. other girlfriends, men, my mother, it's because clothes are my passion. MINE all mine.  So, before I contiune sounding like Golum, this brings me neatly onto the underwear question.  I know many women who are completely dotty about it, will spend a small fortune on bits of lace of lace and wire and miniscule knickers that wouldn't cover a flea's pimple.  Most women when pressed (and I did a little survey on this) will say that it's because it makes them feel good, knowing that they have something a little bit special, sometimes even naughty, beneath their clothes.  More power to you but if I'm going to spend, then stuff that's hidden away, that I won't see and appreciate is not for me.  However I have come to a crossroads because there's a new trend in town..underwear as outerwear.

Now I know you're thinking this...

...but that's not exactly what I mean.  I think we all know who started the "underwear as outerwear" trend, Ghandi and before him, Jesus, then eventually Madge met up with Jean Paul Gaultier and everything went two sandwiches short of a picnic.  As with many ideas that start as a bit of a giggle, they can have legs and we progressed from visible bra straps, to knickers as eveningwear (yes Sienna I mean you) and now it's relatively difficult to find a top, especially for eveningwear that doesn't resemble underwear. As we navigate through this difficult terrain together, I've realised that there is only one sensible option: the corset.  It's underwear but not as we know it.

I don't mean the red, lacy, showgirl variety, think Mad Men structuring..wide straps, neutral colours, even having it semi hidden away by being built into or wearing over a t-shirt.  Yes it's tricky but your other option is wafting around in something resembling a negligee and I challenge anyone of a 'legal' age to pull that off in everyday life without looking like they've got lost on the way to the Playboy Mansion.

Elephants Everywhere

My biggest obsession at the moment is spotting elephants all around London.  When you mention this to people who aren't currently in the capital (and some that are) they can look at you blankly and there look pitiful as they assume you're a few sandwiches short of a picnic.  Basically it's a campaign by www.elephantfamily.org to raise awareness of the now endangered Asian elephant.  The event sees over 250 brightly painted life-size elephants located all over central London this summer decorated by a misture of artists and celebs.  Running from May to July 2010, this is London’s biggest outdoor art event on record, isn't that AWESOME! With an estimated audience of 25 million, they're aim is to raise £2 million for the Asian elephant and benefit 20 UK conservation charities.  All the elephants will then come together at the Chelsea Royal Hospital and you can go and see them all for free before the charity auction on the 3rd July.  My current goal is to try and snap as many as possible in their 'natural habitat' before they all descend on Chelsea, here are a few I've got so far!

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It should be noted that if you can't quite stretch to buying one of the big uns at the Elephant Auction, you'll probably be able to stretch to a wee one, available at  Selfridges, 80 Regent St, 36 Carnaby St, Greenwich Central Market and the elephant parade online shop! 

 
 Here's my little one bought for me as a pressie last Friday afternoon when I was being grumpy, he's now brightening up my desk.  Ideas for names please..

I think one reason that I love them so is because they remind me of one of my favourite books when I was little..Elmer the Elephant by David McKee.

Maximus Rantus

I’m not sure that anyone has ever pulled off the maxi-skirt..or even if they have managed to look half decent in it, there’s always been a bit of me thinking that I’d prefer to see their legs, maybe I’m actually a misogynist (pause for thought) but really I do think that firstly maxis look good on the tall leggy type (not stunted and dwarfish like myself) but that is immediately followed up by, if you are genetically blessed in that area, why wouldn’t you have your cracking pins out all the time?

I hate long skirts. I mean really loathe them. They make my flesh creep. Not physically – that would be weird – but psychologically I could get quite worked up. Wearing one in 1911, or 1711, or any of the past 2,990 years when the big news in fashion was that skirts were floor-sweeping, again, I understand. To shroud three-fifths of your body in one when you have the choice not to – that’s got to be contrary.  Also if you are 5 foot, five inches or shorter then really anything floor-length or sometimes even ankle grazing, can just shrink you to Borrower height.  However it has not escaped my notice that for the past few years there has been a creeping maxi-misation in the dress department, especially during the warmer months, even Nicole Richie appears to turn into a sub-species of Mama Cass in maxidresses.  I have yet to own a maxi dress but maybe I should ease myself in gently with a maxi-skirt...

But which one? The new maxi is meant to hang slouchily off the hips – the non-lung-threatening equivalent of a ciggie dangling from your lips, perhaps. It mustn’t be tiered, floaty or reminiscent in any way of Woodstock or your old Geography teacher. It mustn’t make you feel like a surrendered wife. Cheap, clingy fabrics are also bad as they accessorise the bumps thus negating the cover up factor.  Taking these into account, this narrowed the field by about 98 per cent.  After beginning to hyperventilate in Selfridges I remembered I already owned a beautiful black fine knit vintage maxi-skirt, although I’d never worn it as a maxi because to my mind, it worked so much better as a strapless dress so I elbow rammed my way back down into the Tube and home!

Next challenge: what to do with it? (Cue lots of fiddling about in front of the bathroom mirror and turning bedroom into a bombsite).   American Vogue puts them with jackets, shirts – whatever you’d wear with a shorter skirt.  I am unconvinced by this. In reality, anything too formal above the waist looks peculiar and rather 19^th century. Keeping it simple – a good T-shirt, a slouchy boyfriend cardigan, a nice belt and some slightly odd sandals to remind everyone that you’re not Nanny McPhee – seems to do the trick.  Also I think accessories are important as my beautiful and incredibly stylish friend Anna taught me (when I refused to wear anything but studs in my ears) a good pair of earrings can transform a look.

Maybe maxis can even be seen as liberating – from fake tans, high heels (long skirts look wrong with most of them), the “Do my legs look like sausages in this?” dilemma…

I can’t see them catching on when you’ve got a serious appointment in the boardroom or a hot date, but Lisa Armstrong at the Times said that they’re perfect, “on those mornings when it’s not quite cold enough to wear thick black tights, but not sufficiently tropical to go bare-legged, the maxi may have something.”  Well dear, I say, don’t wear thick black tights, wear opaque..even leggings! In fact, trousers, to be fair, have the same something, but sometimes you can’t face yet another day in jeans, so go wild and embrace the chino as a Spring/ Summer alternative.

American Vogue, by the way, has tried to give the maxi skirt a swishy modern feel by announcing that the new way with skirts is to wear long during the day, short at night.  This put thoughts of Bucks Fizz into my mind, leaping out of the office after a hard day’s slog and ripping the bottom part of my skirt off to signify partaaaaaay time. No thanks. 

Is it me? I mean I know La Moss can pull of pretty much anything..but I remain convinced that full length is not the best look for anyone..

 The skinny black maxi shirt as favoured by Nicole Ritchie, looking a lot less like Mama Cass than last Summer it must be acknowledged..

 And finally Mary Kate Olsen, giving her own spin on Morticia Adams style. Case closed.